The New Game is in the Sidechats

It’s official. This past month, I hung out with more internet friends IRL than my real-world friends. I’m calling it. A personal tipping point.

But here’s the wild part — I would never have picked this lineup in a million years. And yet, here we are. Supporting one another. Keeping up with the trends. Sharing resources, ideas, and connections.

Side Chats are the best niches

This week marks the 6-month anniversary of my favorite WhatsApp group. It all started when I met a few strangers for two hours at an event in Boston.

Fast forward six months, and now I talk to them more than my local friends.

We’ve helped one person find a new job (by the way, if you’re looking for a PM, let me know), planned a housewarming for another, and celebrated the artwork of a third. Lowkey, if I had to choose which group to save in a Trolley Dilemma, I’d really have to think about it!

How did I end up here?

Legacy Social Media is The House (And the House Always Wins)

Big corporations have built social media platforms to monetize attention—and most of us think that’s the game.

The more likes, shares, and followers you get, the more it feels like you’re winning. That's playing by the house rules.

We both know the house always wins.

If you’re stuck chasing attention, you’re playing at level one.

All this public engagement is just the backdrop—the first step to finding people who actually share your interests.

Once you unlock that understanding, you’re ready for the next level. That’s where the real connections happen.

Enter the Sidechat

The real game is being played in small, private spaces like WhatsApp groups, DMs, and niche communities.

The connections are deeper, more focused, and infinitely more valuable than anything happening on a feed full of likes and mentions.

My group is a local connection of fans of Steph Smith and her Internet Pipes project. This is the way friendships are formed now – by what you curate, what you are curious about.

Not what you wear. Not what you drive. Not where you live. And definitely not where you are from.

The Proof is in the Comments

Don’t believe me? Just head to Reddit after a major news event. The comments are on fire. People aren’t just passively consuming, they’re responding, debating, and connecting.

These passionate micro-communities are where the real conversations happen. If you’re actively engaging in these spaces, you’re getting closer to finding your niche and building meaningful connections.

You're close, but let me share the playbook to help you out. Remember, we're starting with the places you already hangout. The stuff you're into.

If you need to, start in Reddit. Or a Facebook group. Keep it simple.

Unlock the New Game

Lead with Value: Don’t wait for opportunities—create them. Share insights, make introductions, or simply be generous in your interactions. That’s how you go from follower to friend.

Focus on Real Conversations: DMs and private chats are where the magic happens. Less scrolling, more talking. This is where your network really takes shape.

Move from Metrics to Meaning: Forget about likes and shares. The relationships that count don’t appear in your public metrics—they’re in the connections you’re fostering behind the scenes.

Take it Offline: Once you’ve built rapport, make it real. Whether it’s a video call or a meetup, relationships deepen when they go beyond the screen.

Join or Build Communities: The new hubs for high-signal conversations are small groups—whether it’s a WhatsApp chat, a Discord server, or a Reddit thread. Find your people, and dig in.

The Final Word

When you start playing by these new rules, your digital connections become more than just numbers—they become real-world relationships.

Are you still playing by the old rules, or are you ready to level up?

My DMs, coincidentally, are open.

I'm not talking about replacing your IRL friends. I'm talking about amplifying them.

Connecting with online friends in real life is the way.

Playing The Game

If you’re not using your digital presence to grow your network, you are playing the The Game at level one.

What about the folks winning the game today? They’re not waiting for some magical connection to just happen. They’re turning internet personality / internet connections / internet karma into a magnet for growth, opportunities, and even revenue.

They’re playing The Game at level 10.

The New Rules

You are already sitting on a network of people who share your interests and could dramatically change your life.

These people might help you find your next job, reconnect with a long-lost relative, or unlock a solution to a problem you've been stuck on.

The hack? Start treating your digital relationships like they’re real people. Because, well, they are.

Engage in the comments, slide into DMs, and give shoutouts. Once you've built some rapport, take it offline with a video call or meetup. The internet has made it easy to connect, but 99% of us are playing the wrong game.

We're playing the game by following the rules. Focusing on likes, views, and shares. All of those are metrics are indicators of what people are doing.

But you don't have to pay a monthly fee to learn what people want to know in a gorgeous dashboard. You can actually talk to them.

Top Signs you are playing The Game right

I'm just learning, so there's that. But here's what I have observed.

Take it, modify it, use it. Get it back to me. We'll keep iterating.

• You are spending more time in the DMs than scrolling through the feed.
• You are sharing things directly with others more than you are re-posting them to the web.
• Your group chats and one-on-one conversations outnumber your new follows.
• Your screen time on WhatsApp (or texting) beats your Instagram stats.
• You finish your day energized from the connections, not exhausted.

Those are just your actions, though. If you're doing it right, you'll actually be getting inbound signs as well. This is about relationships, not more broadcasting.

• You are meeting people online for quick calls or intros.
• Some of those people actually meet you in real life.
• When you travel, you have new people to connect with in those cities.
• You get intros in the DMs (of people to talk to).
• Your digital life feels like a big game of improv (Yes! And...texting)

Here's Example of the The Game

So, picture this: There's a podcast you absolutely adore. You never miss an episode, and you're constantly buzzing about it. Sound familiar? If you're that hyped about it, chances are, you're not alone. But here's the twist—what if you took your passion beyond just passive listening?

Instead of just tuning in solo on your phone, consider diving into the vibrant community around that podcast. Head to its YouTube channel where lively discussions are happening, or find a subreddit dedicated to it. Within these spaces, you’ll discover people who share your enthusiasm—kind of like a digital fan club.

Engaging with these communities is like stepping into a virtual living room of like-minded individuals. Discuss the latest episode, share insights, or even get advice on implementing ideas from the podcast into your life. It's not just about consumption anymore; it's about interaction and connection.

Our new way of connecting isn't centered around "Where do you work?" but "What are you into?" Whether it's a podcast, a TV show, or a sport, these are the new conversation starters. We don’t just watch football; we strategize in fantasy leagues. There’s a whole new level of engagement out there!

The internet offers a unique catalyst for engagement. Find the digital hubs where these conversations happen and jump in. It’s about transforming from a passive consumer to an active participant. This is where you forge meaningful connections with others who share your interests.

Think of it like this: In real life, if you both love a band like Phish and attend their concert, you’ve got an instant bond. But online, your shared interests aren't visible at a glance. You have to start digitally to build those connections and then bring them into the real world.

The best creators recognize this. They're hosting meetups and fostering real connections beyond the screen. It’s fascinating to watch these interactions blossom into something significant. The digital world often tricks us into thinking the game is about likes and shares, but the real magic happens when we engage and build personal networks.

So, the big question is, are you ready to stop playing someone else’s game and start building your own network? Dive into those communities, spark conversations, and watch as your digital world transforms into real-world connections.

the new way of greeting people right now isn't, hey, where do you work? Or what do you do? It's what do you consume? What are you into? It could be your podcast, it could be a TV show, it could be your sport, you know, right? We don't just watch football anymore, we play fantasy football, right? We don't just like, yeah, there's like this whole new level of engagement. So the way that it works is there's something that on the internet, in your tiny world that is a catalyst. Find the place where people are interacting with that catalyst and get involved. Start conversations. That's going to help you break the barrier between the old version of you where you just consume things into the new one where you're actively engaged in the consumption with others. It's group consumption. That's high signal. That's where you identify people who are in the same space and then together from there you do more, right? I don't have like a specific example of like Joe did X and got Y, but to me that's the fastest path, which is finding something to do. So like an in real world example from my pop communities, that's, hey, you both go to a fish concert, you love fish. Like we've got a ton in common. Let's hang out. Right? Today, digitally, people are doing less things in real life and even the things that we're into digitally aren't manifested in real life. I can't see you at a park and know that you're listening to the same podcast that I love. The only way to get there is to start in the digital world first, build those connections and those circles, and then take that into real life. So the best creators are doing that. Now the best creators are holding these meetups and it's always funny because you watch creators have a meetup and they're like, Oh, like the most amazing thing happened. I mean, I went somewhere and said I was going to talk to someone and it blew up. Like that's how the world actually works. Like the world has an OS and there's this digital layer on top of it that's trying to convince us the way to play the game is to like things and share them or retweet them or repost them. But that's not it at all. It's not like the real game is there, we've just been convinced that the game is something else. We've been convinced that the rules of the game that matter are the rules that generate revenue and attention and build other platforms instead of building our personal networks. You get to decide, right? Are you going to build your personal network or are you just going to play the game and build someone else's case for another series of funding?

Another way to think about this concept is, you know, people will strategize how to build a channel, how to build a podcast, and they have goals, right? I want to have, you know, 1,000 subscribers or 1,000 members, but five people who are really into what you're doing or who are engaging with you or even on the same topic, like, you don't even need to create the thing in the first place. Just finding five people who are like you, who are really into something, that's the big internet unlock, right? It's not about can I, you know, can I get paid as a YouTube creator? That's not a definition of success, like, baseline human success is do I have good people in my life? Like, am I attracting more good people in my life? Am I giving, am I adding value or giving, you know, positivity? Am I, you know, am I an amplifier of what other people are doing, right? Am I passing it on? Am I spreading the good word? Is it like natural, is it like content and vibe natural selection where, like, some stuff goes on and other stuff doesn't make it? And that process of me curating or doing that is part of my, the high signal that I'm sending to other people that I want to meet. That's the, that's the thing, you don't, you don't need to have 10,000 people in a paid community. If you're just optimizing for revenue, you're missing the point. It could be people who are just creating or people who don't create for revenue or don't want to consume through money that are high signal, like, again, you know, I submit to you that the way social media has been engineered has transformed the broader understanding of what, of what the value is behind connecting with people and all of these, all of these apps and all of this content, all of this, everything that we're consuming is, they're just like places to stop and, and connect and gather, like they're, they're things to share, right? At the end of the day that your favorite podcast is just another conversation with someone, your favorite show that you watch is, is just another story to tell. Like it all gets factored into that DNA and that's, that's the value, right? Like most of us are trying to compete on this sort of like breaking news game, you know, like I saw this, did you see this? Like, oh my God, this, that, and we're, people talk about news jacket, like following the news. Like we've been news jacked ourselves. We've been co-opted into talking about stuff that doesn't even really matter to us. Like the job of the news is to make you care about things that don't matter to you. And that's what a large part of social media does. But just reverse, just like reverse the polarity. Like instead of, instead of being prompted to care about things that don't matter to you, know the things that do matter to you and, and use the tools of the internet to go deep on them and find the other people who are there when you get there. And those are the people you want. We had a reverse engineer, how people are using, how, how the, how social media on the internet was designed to be used and use it for your own purposes. Like take off the controls, like rewire it. That's the unlock.

https://shows.acast.com/akimbo/episodes/creating-the-conditions-for-change-part-1