Step Out and Speak Up: Using the Real World as a Proving Ground for Your Community Skills

As I continue working on my book about pop up communities, it strikes me that talking about online communities is really...impersonal.

Email lists, landing pages, magnets, ads...are these really the core units of community? Well, not really. But also, yes. It's okay to be a bit confused.

To most of us, these are tools and techniques. Strategies towards a desired outcome that we as builders have. The key is to use digital tools to create opportunities for community to happen online.

This topic is near and dear to my heart because the greatest value I see in my social network is in small units of community.

People assume that community is something massive, like a national organization. Here's the thing: every large community or movement you can think of started as an idea. With one person. Then two, and so on.

That's what I'm really talking about – the building blocks of connection that form the foundation of any thriving community, no matter its size.

Let's dig in.

The Secret Sauce of Community (Spoiler: It's You!)

Building a community isn't about fancy algorithms or viral marketing tricks. It's about you – yes, YOU – taking that first brave step.

Digitally, we're all too comfortable hiding behind our screens (even if we're just holding them in our hands). Technology is dampening our instincts and skills of connection.

My challenge to you is radical: You Must Go First.

Remember that feeling when you were a kid, standing at the edge of a pool, toes curled over the side, heart racing? That's where you are right now.

And I'm here to tell you: jump in. The water's fine, and there's a whole community waiting to splash around with you.

Watch Community In Action

Speaking of kids, one of the best places to observe and learn about community building is at a playground.

Watch elementary school-age children as they effortlessly form connections, create teams, and play together.

It's a dynamic flow of organization that's more akin to something you'd see in a nature documentary than the complicated dance we adults often make of social interactions. And adults can make things suuuuper awkward.

What we're really striving for in community building is to recapture that innate essence of dynamic collaboration, combined with serendipity and opportunity.

Kids don't overthink it – they just do it. They see a potential playmate and go for it – the criteria is simple: we're both here. we both like soccer, or swings, or monkey bars. let's do this.

That's the spirit we need to channel in our community-building efforts.

The Ultimate Training Ground

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But I'm trying to build an online community!"

Well, that's the problem. The minute you talk online you're talking platforms, tools, users, costs, etc. That mojo we were just talking about? It's nowhere to be found.

Before you dive in, let's start with a kiddie pool – the real world.

Picture this: You're at a coffee shop, and you overhear someone talking about your favorite book. Do you:

A) Bury your nose deeper in your phone?
B) Smile politely and go back to your latte?
C) Turn around and say, "No way! I love that book too!"

If you picked C, congratulations! You're already a connection maker, an improv conversationalist, a community builder.

That right there – that spark of connection over a shared interest – that's the essence of what we're trying to create online.

But here's the rub: it's so easy for us to opt out of these connections.

In that moment, we've got things to do, we're busy, we're worried about being misunderstood or coming across the wrong way.

Community is as much a moment in time as it is the connections we share with others.

Community lies in that moment where you decide to do something about connecting with other people.

The best place to practice this is in small acts that exist in the real world.

Breaking the Digital Screen: Be Human

Building community digitally is not something that comes naturally to us as humans, which is why it's so important to practice these things in person first.

Each time you choose to engage rather than retreat, you're building the muscles you'll need for successful online community building.

We've all been there – endlessly scrolling, double-tapping, and retweeting, feeling more disconnected with every swipe. It's the great irony of our time: we're more "connected" than ever, yet lonelier than ever.

The good news is you already have everything you need to build connections and start community. We just have to bring these innate skills and element to the surface.

How? By bringing the warmth and authenticity of real-world interactions into the digital sphere.

Your Community Vibe: Humanity as a Signal

Think of the last party you went to where you really hit it off with someone. What was it about you that clicked? Were you the one cracking jokes? The sympathetic listener? The passionate debater?

That spark, that essence of you that shines in your best social moments – that's your community vibe. And it's time to bring it online.

Your community vibe is the impression you leave behind once your words and actions are done. It's the energy you bring to every interaction, whether it's in person or online. When you're thinking about stepping out into the real world (or the digital one) to build community, start here:

• Are you excited about something you want to share?
• Are you upset about something you want to change?
• Are you committed to something you want to accomplish?

These are the vibes that come across in your interactions. They draw people to you and make them want to be part of what you're creating.

Maybe you're the digital equivalent of the neighbor who always has a spare cup of sugar. Or the friend who remembers every birthday. Whatever it is, let that authentic "you" shine through in your interactions.

Before You Push the Launch Button...

Now that we have the components of what community feels like in real life, it's time to actually do something about it.

I've created a list of ten things that you can do in your apartment building, in your neighborhood, this month, to start the practice of community.

Whether you've already started a community or you're about to, taking a moment to balance your digital aspirations with the practice of community in the real world will help center you.

Learning to keep the energy and magic that exists within real world communities at the heart of how you work digitally will make sure you stay on the right path: the one that's true to you.

This is something I continually do to recenter myself as a community builder, and I hope you will too.

Best of luck with your project!

~ Patrick

10 Actions to Start Building Community in the Real World

Here are some small steps to help break your resistance with real-world practice.

1. Host an Open House: Invite neighbors or acquaintances over for a casual gathering. This simple act can help you practice creating a welcoming environment.
2. Organize a Mini-Meetup: Gather three or more people to discuss a topic you're passionate about. This helps you practice facilitating conversations and creating space for shared interests.
3. Share Your Story: Reach out to someone you think you can help and offer your experience or advice. Stories are at the heart of our DNA.
4. Practice Active Listening: Join a local group or attend an event with the intention of learning and adding to the conversation, not dominating it. This helps develop the crucial skill of being a supportive community member.
5. Volunteer: Engage in local service activities. This can help you connect with like-minded individuals and practice working towards a common goal.
6. Start a Skills (or Tools) Exchange: Offer to teach a skill you have in exchange for learning something new from a neighbor or friend. This creates a micro-community based on mutual growth and support.
7. Create a Neighborhood Book Exchange: Set up a small free library or book exchange point in your neighborhood. Books are great conversation starters.
8. Organize a Community Clean-Up: Rally neighbors for a local clean-up day. Build a sense of collective responsibility and pride.
9. Host a Potluck Dinner: Invite people to contribute a dish to a shared meal. Free food and friends is the perfect atmosphere.
10. Initiate a Walking Group: Start a regular walking group in your neighborhood. This combines physical activity with social interaction, creating natural opportunities for community building.